I despise leaving. I really am not good at saying good byes. I'd much rather say hello. Life doesn't let you just pick and choose your experiences. Before you can say hello, you have to face up to saying good bye.
This has been a busy, busy trip for me. Full of chores and requirements. Opening a new apartment. Opening an Italian bank account. Completely furnishing a totally empty space right down to the sheets, towels and dishes. Waiting for the cable guy to connect me to the world. Getting my bicycle fixed so I can move around the city. Playing host to old friends from France for 5 days. Trying to complete all my requirements so I can go back to Boston where I can apply for a retirement visa. Losing my passport at the airport. Getting locked out of my apartment, AGAIN. It's been hard to keep my focus on what really matters with all the "must do" daily chores. So I needed to just sit down and record my thoughts before I get totally consumed by traveling and a whole new set of tasks when I land in Boston 4 days from now. I just needed to try to convince myself that somehow, all this "busy work" makes sense.
Mostly, my thoughts boil down to one simple idea...I'm getting older and it's obvious. Looking in the mirror is proof. I'm getting older. I'm much closer to being 95 than 55. Things that were easy for me 10 years ago are but a distant memory now. I find it almost impossible to make it through the day without a midday nap. I can still do things like mowing the lawn or shoveling snow but I often need to take a break halfway through. I can still walk around the wall in Lucca but I usually find a bench to sit for a few minutes to watch the human parade pass.
Sitting for a drink with Claude and Veronique
I keep coming back to the same ugly question constantly. "How much longer can I keep active?"
I'm always comparing my physical and mental abilities to my contemporaries. Wow! Look at how much better off I am than so and so. Well GREAT! But then following right behind the first thought comes the second...Wow...How much longer before I struggle to climb steps? How much longer can I ride a bicycle? How much longer will I be able to control my arms and legs to stroll to a cafe for coffee? How much longer can I keep this going? According to the insurance companies I'm right on the brink of losing most of that. Insurance companies get rich on predicting things like that. They have the numbers. What do I have to prove them wrong?
My sitting room/kitchen in my new apartment
Well, I have a valid lease on an apartment in Lucca. I'm in the midst of applying for a long stay visa. That should protect me, right? Maybe. In reality, I wavered many times back on doing this. I really doubted my safe secure future. REALLY! Finally, I just got tired of listening to the debate in my head. If I was going to do this, I just had to jump in and damn the consequences. Lots of sane people question my judgment. I QUESTION MY JUDGMENT! I had to look at myself honestly and make a decision. It took me many months.
In the end, I think I decided that there were facts on my side as well. I know several "objective" things about my experiences here in Lucca the were real and measurable. I feel healthier here. I exercise more here, especially now that my bike is working again. I eat better food,,,Italy produces nearly ALL it's own food. I lose weight when I'm here. My blood pressure drops when I'm here. I walk to the store. I walk for pleasure. I smile at the kids screaming with delight in their little carriages. I meet new people constantly. I actually take time to watch the sun set. I guess all that counts for something.
Simple numbers. Simple food.
So, is there a summary and conclusion? Not really. Trying to order my thoughts about being here is like herding cats. It won't ever get very organized. But at least I'm trying. I guess that counts for something. I should get a participation trophy. In a few days...I'm leaving on a jet plane...don't know when I'll be back again.
That's my story and I'm stickin to it.
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