It was a social meeting for us but by myself, it just wasn't the same. So I just skipped the cappuccino and did other things to fill the void. But then yesterday afternoon, I just needed to get out and enjoy the fabulous azure sky and the wonderful afternoon crowds at the central square where the Cafe Ninci is located. So I headed out to have a late afternoon aperatif at the cafe by myself. When I arrived, I warned the usual waiter that I wanted a "Spritz" instead of coffee. Otherwise, if I just sat down he would automatically bring me the "usual" cappuccino. They know me and my habits!
I had to inform Ibrahim that I wanted something different.
Ok no problem. The waiter, Ibrahim, noticed that I was alone and he just changed my usual order. When I went in to pay the bill, the usual guy at the cash register said something to me which I didn't quite understand. He repeated what he said, but slowly and with an explanation in English. What he said was this..."Meglio soli che male accompagnati ". Loosely translated it means..." Better alone than with bad company". Yes indeed.
The typical Tuscan aperitif... an Aperol Spritz. No coffee.
So many times when I travel these days, I am alone. I've invited several friends and family members to join me or visit the places I haunt. But it is the rare occasion when someone else decides to spend time and money to explore the places that I enjoy. I get it. Other people have their own lives and they really aren't all THAT interested in visiting the oddball places that I seem to like. I'm used to traveling alone at this point of my life and I've sort of gotten used to the isolation. The thing that I've learned about traveling alone is that I have a completely different experience to the wider world when I am by myself. When I'm alone, I'm much more likely to encounter new people and get out of my safe cacoon.
It's weird but so true, at least for me. When I'm with someone else, I will usually exclude "outsiders" from my little group. My attention needs to focus on interacting with the person (or persons) I'm with. My conversations are directed at my companion. When Sergio and I meet for coffee, I interact with him and he will interact with others around us. I defer to him since he knows the culture and the language much better than I do. When my daughter and her family were here for a visit, my job was to act as a guide and interpreter so I was constantly trying to explain what we were seeing and experiencing. I really didn't have the luxury of engaging with strangers. There were four others that I was responsible for and side conversations were out of the question. Pay attention to the task at hand!
Pay attention. And keep pedalling. This thing won't move itself.
The only reason I discovered Lucca was due to my being by myself and Sergio being alone as well. We were both staying at the same hotel in Yogyakarta, Java and the hotel seated us together at the same table for a Christmas party for the guests. Once we overcame the awkward process of beginning a conversation, we could follow up later at breakfast the next day when it was quiet and more relaxed. As we gained a bit of confidence in interacting, it became easier to chat for extended periods of time. Neither of us had anyone else there to get in the way. I was stuck at the hotel waiting for my Airbnb rental to become available. And Sergio was hanging out there while his wife did a yoga workshop in the nearby city of Solo(yes that's the real name). Sergio was determined to educate me on the wonders of his home town. Every conversation seemed to lead to Lucca. I had no way to prove him right or wrong so I accepted the challenge of visiting Lucca to make my own judgement. That was six years ago. I finally had to accept defeat. Lucca is indeed the most delightful place on the planet... (according to both of us!).
So traveling alone often turns into a very positive experience. That's the benefit side of the equation. But wait. There is more.
I also need to acknowledge the bad company that accompanies me when I travel alone. Meeting new people and learning new things is great. It's something I look forward to. The thing I really dread about spending days on my own is constantly being in a struggle for my own thoughts. I usually refer to this battle as having to fight with the "guy in the basement". The guy in the basement is the doom and gloom voice of ruin that lurks deep inside my inner psyche. I am often not even aware that this creepy voice inside me is talking to me. So many times I catch myself arguing with some voice in my head that just loves pessimism and despair.
Yesterday afternoon I went up on the wall to once again bask in the heavenly views of the Tuscan mountains and to chuckle at all the people around me who were out for a good time. It must have taken me 20-25 minutes to gain the upper hand over the creep in the basement. The thing that saved the afternoon for me was to encounter a blind man being helped around the wall by a sighted guide. Here I was in paradise with spectacular vista of rich afternoon sunshine bathing the ring of mountains all around the city, and I was arguing with myself about some lunacy that upset me and wouldn't let go. Open your eyes, Dude. There's a show going on and you don't even see it! And you have 2 working, magical eyes. Wake up and see what's there!
Note to self. Look around. Enjoy the view. Give thanks. Amen.
So, I guess what I'm struggling with here is the same thing we all struggle with most of the time. Do I have the ability to enjoy what is right in front of me? Or should I be angry that my world isn't perfect?
The battle continues. But at least now I recognize the bad company inside me...and I'm learning how to be thankful for the good company that seems to find me all over the planet. And the Italians recognize my dilemma. Meglio Soli che male accompagnati.
That's my story.
And I'm stickin to it.
Dan
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